Movie Review: Jumper - Don't bother
Short Review:
It isn't worth your time. Don't go.
Long Review: (spoilers)
After 30 minutes of this movie I was bored. I played with the popcorn box to keep myself amused and tried very hard to eavesdrop on the loud girls in front of us in hopes of some sort of entertainment.
To be fair there was a couple fun action scenes. About 10 seconds of which were not in the trailer. The rest of the movie seemed to be an odd love story.
Meet David. At an early age he figures out how to 'jump' (teleport to places he has been before). About 10 minutes after learning how to do this (by near death) he decides to leave home forever. He tells nobody, but leaves a hint that he survives his near death experience to his love interest. Yup, the woman he is crazy for he just up and leaves without saying anything.
Ok, so a few years into the future he is rich. He is also a complete ass. He is a sociopath who doesn't care about anyone but himself, steals constantly for stuff he doesn't need, sleeps with women and then ports out to surf, etc. At one point he watches tv, sees people about to die in a flood, can easily save them, and just turns the tv off and goes out to a bar. Basically he is a good looking man who is all shit inside.
Some 'bad guys' called Paladins find him. Turns out lots of people can jump, and they are out to kill those people. He gets away, but just barely. Confused about life, he heads home.
We find out he visits his home often enough, but just to tease dad and make his dad think he is insane.
Then he goes to a bar where his love interest works. He sits there for 45 min staring at her. She notices, but does nothing (remember, everyone thinks he is dead). Someone else notices him, they have a fight, he ports the guy into a bank cell. He jumps back and has a beer with the bartender girl interest. She is working, and drinking at the same time (yea right). they make small talk. She doesn't seem to care that he has been gone so long, made everyone think he was dead, that it was possibly her fault, etc.
If none of this sounds fun, thats because it isn't. The acting is so bad that I honestly thought he was supposed to be the badguy with no emotion. Turns out Hayden Christensen just can't act worth shit.
Anyway, it goes on for a long time. At some point near the end some action happens. None of it is believable. The whole movie, as it turns out, is simply to set up the sequel which none of us will ever care to see.
It's as if the studio bought a movie script, then said 'good, now add 60 minutes of pointless romance and gut the action'.
So to sum it up, enjoy the trailer. It is the best part of the movie.
Like this entry? Subscribe to my blog.


Comments (moderation on)